Parenting mistakes is as old as parenting itself. Most parents believe parenting is a natural phenomenon and so it comes naturally and shouldn’t be learned. Making a conscious effort towards understanding parenting in our today’s world will make a great difference in the quality of adults we are raising as future parents.
PERSONALIZING YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOUR
One of the greatest parenting mistakes that has been in existence is personalizing your child’s behaviour
It is very difficult not to take it personal when your child misbehaves or does something bad.
There’s no way you won’t get angry, you are human and it is very natural , your feeelings are hurt . be mindful of when you get too upset , once you are too upset , give yourself time before reacting . it is better calm down before thinking of a better discipline approach to adopt.
Don’t react or punish your child while you are angry. As a parent you can only control your emotions not your child’s
EXPECTING THAT SAME PARENTING STYLE FITS ALL
Most parents adopt just one style of parenting – you can hear a parent say for instance – I am an Authoritarian parent – if you expect that one parenting style fits all your children – you are making a great mistake.
If you have 3 children you will realize that they are all unique in their own way and different from each other in different ways, so why expect same parenting style to work out for all three?
Every child is unique and different, treat each child differently, and find out what works for each.
If a child is easily distracted, you will need to remind him/her to complete a task but if you have a child who isn’t distracted …you might note need to do a reminder.
Study your children, find out what works for each child.
The end result is to groom a responsible young adult, who will function effectively in the society.
There is need to parent differently according to the needs and diagnosis of each child.
NOT UNDERSTANDING THE DEVELOPMENTAL STAGE OF YOUR CHILDREN.
As parents, we must understand the developmental stage of your children. We assume our children can do a lot without considering their developmental stage at that moment. Because your child can blow big grammar doesn’t mean he’s already a big boy and as adult …you still need to teach him certain things and know what to expect from him at a certain age.
Don’t expect a 7-year old to behave like a 13 year old, just because his height is that of a 13 year old.
LOOKING FOR THE BEST CONSEQUENCE
When parents ask “the best consequence for a particular behavior”….you know they want a long list of consequences for different behaviour. It is advisable that your consequences should be case specific since no one size fits all. Isolate each case on its own basis and give appropriate consequence. When you really want to change your child’s behavior, it is better to apply whole system of discipline ….limit sitting, coaching, teaching and problem solving.
SEVERE LONG TERM PUNNISHMENT IS BETTER.
Another major parenting mistake we make as parents is thinking and believing that severe long term punishment is better and yields good results.
We believe that because the punishment is harsh the child will never forgot the experience and will never go back to that particular thing.
Most times when the punishment is too severe, it leaves the child rather than being remorseful, resentment towards you.
Reduce the duration and severity of your punishment to get better results.
PARNTS ARE NOT EXPECTED TO APOLOGISE TO THEIR CHILDREN.
We are the bosses – we are parents, so we are in charge. We fail to apologize even when it is very obvious that we offended our children. Saying sorry to your child when you are wrong doesn’t make you less of a strong or good parent. Rather you are unconsciously teaching the child that apologizing is a way of life which should be adopted. Exemplify the magic words at the appropriate times and kids are copy cats – they will adopt them.
In all, remember that every Child is unique and differentShare!